Grey Fuzz » Family

Unbaked Yeast Rolls

admin — Sat, 04 Dec 2010 20:46:33 +0000

Unbaked Yeast Rolls

Those of you who have/had animals will probably appreciate it more. It is a story that is hilarious in itself and the person that wrote it is a good writer and made the story even better. Enjoy…Long but cute…

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program . For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.

I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.

It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol..

Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off. Now I know you probably don’t believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that’s not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen’s, thankful she didn’t live any further away than she did.

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister’s garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper’s latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, ‘what goes in must come out’ and Jasper was no exception.

Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen’s house. Having discovered his ‘packages’ on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.

This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry’s sister’s house.

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I’m doing research on the computer as to: ‘How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.’

And how was your day?

Must be getting old

admin — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 03:57:51 +0000

As fall arrives that means two things in this household, deer hunting and cutting firewood to heat the house for the winter.

If you want to know just how old you are getting, try riding a big Stihl chainsaw for 8 hours, fell a few oak trees, cut it up into 20-24″ chunck, split it up (gave up on the axe and moved to a log splitter), stack it in the truck haul it home and unload and restack it for the winter. It doesn’t seem that long ago I was able to get up at the crack of dawn and work until sundown for 2-3 days straight without any ill effects…. Tonight I have been trying to find a muscle or joint in my body that is not screaming in pain… haven’t yet found one.

Really just scratched the surface for what we’ll need to get through the winter, guessing at best 3-4 cords are done, still need at least another 10-12 to make it through March. We like it nice and toasty (90ish) through the winter so the woodstove gets a good workout that’s for sure. She’s treated us very well for the last five years, though now due to be retired and replaced for the house anyhows. I’ll move it out to the garage and set it up there so I can have some real heat when I need to work out there. I just can’t see paying the gas company nearly $2 a gallon, thats over $800 to fill the tank of LP gas, that just doesn’t produce the heat we have grown accustomed to. I’d rather drop that chunk of change on a really nice woodstove.

Am I just that old and out of shape or is the workload just too much for this beat up ol’ body. I lean towards thinking it’s related to the 15 years of abuse I put it through while in the Army, though still able to outdo just about 18 year old ‘kids’ that were 1/2 my age with ease. Now I just don’t think so.

If it wasn’t for my 14yo daughter helping me I’d likely still be out there trying to get it done. Think it’s time I allow her a weekend ‘day’ date, under close supervision and keep him gainfully employed the entire time…. under penalty of the business end a chain saw or axe should there be any thoughts of anything but cutting and hauling firewood Kniving, but it’d work.

Fingers are now exhausted too, so I’ll call it a night.

Way to go F&S!

admin — Sat, 13 Aug 2005 16:46:25 +0000

Yesterday afternoon around 2pm I called in an order to Dr’s Foster & Smith for some ‘bloomers’ for our female Springer Spaniel. She just had a litter of pups a few months ago and is again coming into heat, so she’s getting some fancy britches to wear for a couple of weeks to ensure she’s not bred again! Yeah yeah yeah who cares, the cool thing is the order arrived at 11am this morning! For some reason they shipped FedEx Overnight (with saturday delivery), but charged me for standard ground (5-7 day) delivery. Gotta love that place, they have everything for all of our critters! Even slipped in a couple of new pumps for our saltwater reef tanks with the order. They are only a couple hundred miles from us and we have to pay sales tax on everything since they are in state, with shipping like this why bother driving?

Of the last 5 orders from them in the past 8 months or so 4 of them have been shipped overnight without my request or paying for it, but never a saturday delivery More phone/mail/net order companies should take note of this and follow suit.

Flying time…

admin — Mon, 08 Aug 2005 01:03:20 +0000

Figured we’d try to have some fun this weekend, so Friday before heading home I picked up 3 of these really cheap radio controlled airplanes, for $25 each plane (including the transmitters) I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. But what the hell, the planes fly on rechargeable battery packs (4-AAA). After several serious crashes, the wings are made of foam, so you can imagine the delicate work of taping them back together after each flight/crash. I finally got it sorted out. The dang thing actually flies, and flies quite well. I was really amazed. About 500 meters before the radio starts loosing the plane. It was actually great fun, a few very successfully flights, the last ending up in a pine tree about 60′ off the ground. Took a while of working a fishing pole and weight to get her down. Now I see why they sell sets of extra wings for them I’ll get some more tomorrow.

I’d been looking at the *real* RC planes for years and years now, and never wanted to throw that much cash at one, maybe next year. After tangling everything up in the bean field i see the need for some sort of runway.

One Stand

admin — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 16:45:02 +0000

A poem written by my 14 year old daughter.
One Stand

When I looked at that glass, I looked at its point,
& started to think, “Is he really going to cut off my body joints?”

As I go to reach for that door,
I find out I can’t, I’m shackled to the floor.

As I begin to prepare to die,
I think of my life & try not to cry.

While I sit on that floor which is made of sand,
I look out my tiny window & begin to stand.

Now I realize, I’m in Gods hands,
to help me with my troubles, in which he banned.

So I lay on that floor,
hoping the pain will be no more.

I quietly fell asleep on that dirt-sandy floor,
& find myself somewhere warm, but it’s not a college dorm.

But where I am at is in the warmth of my parents arms,
holding me tightly with such charm.

My abductor was sent to jail
& he will not receive bail.

A few weeks have past & I’m with my whole family,
to see the lastest news on our T.V.

My abductor was so mad you could see he was in a Rage,
in such a rage that he made the front page.

So as we saw the case come to a close we are all happy to shout with glee,
because now I’m home……….where I’m suppose to be!!!!!

Everytime I read this it raises a lot of mixed emotions, but think it’s very much worthy of sharing. She has it posted on her blog, but hasn’t had the time lately to keep it updated, I’d guess once school starts again time will settle down and she may get around to some more serious writing.

One puppy left….

admin — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:47:19 +0000

Only one puppy left who is looking for a place to call home near Wisconsin Dells, WI…. My bud “Bruiser”, his brother left Sunday evening, and now his personality is really shining through. I really need to break down the BIG kennel and switch it out for a small crate for him to sleep in now. Sure looked full with all the pups running around in there, now Bruiser looks lost in it by himself. He sure is learning how to use those big puppy dog eyes to get scooped up and hauled around the house, and onto the bed, just a big ol’ sweetheart is what he is.

For more details see the Briar Patch Puppies website.

Updates Pics of the puppies

admin — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 23:33:44 +0000

Angel and Gab got some new pics today of the puppies still awaiting adoption…. Here they are today at 11 weeks.

Departing Company

admin — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 18:36:23 +0000

Two more of the puppies left for their new home last night. Just two more to go and hopefully life will return to normal. Well as close to normal as possible, the pups are being missed already, but we know they are heading for great homes and families, fitting since they are all adorable.

Here are some older pics of the two liver and white males that are still looking for new families to join, we really need to get updated pictures sorted out to post…

Pup #3 aka Bruiser, the cool marking is only on one side of his nose, looks like he got whopped a good one.

Think Gab named this guy Bartholamu, don’t ask me why… or how to spell it…

For more info check out the Briar Patch Puppies website.

Are you a Springer Person?

admin — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 18:15:56 +0000

Angel found some well written info about these critters, We have 5 so they must fit us well… Why 5? Not sure, I think we’ve lost our minds somewhere along the path.

Is an English Springer right for you and your family?
Here’s an article I found that might help you to decide!
The English Springer Spaniel is a compact medium sized dog with long pendant ears. Lovable and fond of children, they are even tempered, gentle and sociable. These sweet tail-waggers are very cheerful and playful; always affectionate, good natured and sincere. An amiable breed, this dog just loves everyone! Being the extroverts that they are, they have a tendency to be destructive and to bark a lot if left alone too long. There are two types of Springers – field and bench. The field type are bred for hunting and field trial work. They tend to have more white coat than the bench type, much less hair, and are more active. The bench type are bred for conformation shows and have more liver or black than white, they have much more coat, but are usually calmer. The male Springer Spaniel stands about 19-21 inches while the female stands from 18-20 inches. In weight, the male is of course heavier at 45-55 pounds compared to the female which is only about 40-50 pounds.

Crispy Critter

admin — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 03:38:06 +0000

Like the title says, that’s what the infamous last words ‘nah, I don’t need any lotion‘ results in. Angel, Gab and I spent the whole day out on the lake, 95 degrees and the sun was shining strong… What does every guy do when they hit the water…. of course toss the shirt. Now I’m paying for my foolishness, and likely will for a few days yet to come. My back now looks like a Maine lobster, fresh out of the pot. Naturally, my stupidity doesn’t draw me any sympathy, but did qualify for a bit of some product called “After sun”, don’t know if it will really help or not, sure felt nice and cool going on.

Whatever happened to the product called Solarcaine? We remember it as a heavily guarded secret potion that the adults kept stashed away from us as kids until we were screaming in pain from a good burn. That stuff was gold in a spray can. You’d think after almost 40 years a person would learn……NOT!

On the upside, with Angel driving the boat I actually skied for about 50 feet! Got the skis up on plane and actually travel over the water, a new personal best. I’ve managed to teach both of our sons and a nephew to water ski in very short order, but never really tried to do it myself until lately. The end result the few times I’d tried a couple years ago was either a lake water enema or having half a gallon of water shoved down my throat as my face was slammed into the water. I think if I hadn’t been so exhausted after screwing around all day I would have actually made it on the next run, but a horrific leg cramp left me floating in the water for a bit, that ended the fun for the day.

If I survive the extra toasty, next weekend I expect to be skating across the surface of the water.